People Pleasing
People-pleasing can become so automatic that we hardly notice we're doing it. We spend so much time trying to keep other people happy and avoid disappointing them that, over time, we can lose sight of who we are in order to be accepted.
Feeling responsible for other people's feelings
Have you ever felt responsible for how someone else is feeling? If someone is disappointed with us, we feel like we've done something wrong. If someone is upset, we want to make it better. If someone is angry, frustrated or hurt, we can find ourselves carrying the weight of their emotions, even when they aren't ours to carry.
We can become so uncomfortable with conflict, tension or the possibility of letting someone down that we start organising our lives around preventing those feelings in other people. Over time, it can become exhausting. We spend so much energy looking after everyone else that we lose touch with what we need, how we feel, or whether we're allowed to take up space in our relationships at all.
Feeling guilty for putting yourself first
Putting ourselves first can feel uncomfortable. We worry about seeming selfish, letting people down, or disappointing them. Saying no doesn't just feel difficult, it can feel wrong.
As a result, boundaries can become hard to set and even harder to maintain. We agree to things we'd rather not do, put other people's needs before our own, and tell ourselves we'll come back to what we want later. But later doesn't always come.
Over time, we can become so focused on looking after everyone else that our own needs, hopes and ambitions begin to take a back seat. We stop asking ourselves what we really want, because we're so busy making sure everyone else is okay.
Read something that resonates?
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